Why would you stay in Shanghai to represent a bunch of retards at the Special Olympics and not be with the Rockets on time? You disappoint me.
John - Creator of Yao Ming Mania
Hi John. Yao not appreciate you refer to Special Olympic athletes as "retards." This wrong. Yao like to say "from wrong side of rice paddy" or "bamboo skulls" or even "brains filled with semen of seven pandas," because Yao politically correct like this. Besides, Yao not need to go Rockets training camp. Give more time Steve Francis play post.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Um... you lost, Yao. Why?
Todd - Provo, UT
Todd, maybe Yao little hasty when say Rockets win easy in last post. Yao even typed smiley face and say Yao laugh at Jazz. Yao not laugh at all now. Yao cry.
Yao not cry this hard since play Monopoly with Luther Head, and Luther take dog piece and leave Yao with car. Yao *always* dog when play Monopoly. But Luther not give Yao dog. He just taunt Yao and bark every time Luther pass Go. That was saddest day in Yao life until yesterday.
But Yao know next year Rockets get revenge, just like Yao get revenge on Luther in Monopoly. Let just say Luther not pick dog anymore now that he know dog may or may not been in Dikembe Mutumbo butt at some point. Nxt year we do same to to Jazz. You be careful Carlos Boozer.
Todd, maybe Yao little hasty when say Rockets win easy in last post. Yao even typed smiley face and say Yao laugh at Jazz. Yao not laugh at all now. Yao cry.
Yao not cry this hard since play Monopoly with Luther Head, and Luther take dog piece and leave Yao with car. Yao *always* dog when play Monopoly. But Luther not give Yao dog. He just taunt Yao and bark every time Luther pass Go. That was saddest day in Yao life until yesterday.
But Yao know next year Rockets get revenge, just like Yao get revenge on Luther in Monopoly. Let just say Luther not pick dog anymore now that he know dog may or may not been in Dikembe Mutumbo butt at some point. Nxt year we do same to to Jazz. You be careful Carlos Boozer.
Monday, April 30, 2007
What do you plan to do for the summer since you will exit the playoffs very soon?
from Mehmet - Okur
Ha. This make Yao laugh, Mr. Mehmet from land of Okur. Yao not supposed to mention, but let just say certain commisioner of certain league ask Rockets to take easy on Jazz to keep people watching games.
But now it time. T-Mac and Yao cannot make Jazz feel good anymore. See you in Round 2, Mehmet! Oh wait, Yao forgot, Mehmet not be there to enjoy next round. Yao laugh again. Even type smiley face. :) So funny.
Ha. This make Yao laugh, Mr. Mehmet from land of Okur. Yao not supposed to mention, but let just say certain commisioner of certain league ask Rockets to take easy on Jazz to keep people watching games.
But now it time. T-Mac and Yao cannot make Jazz feel good anymore. See you in Round 2, Mehmet! Oh wait, Yao forgot, Mehmet not be there to enjoy next round. Yao laugh again. Even type smiley face. :) So funny.
Monday, April 23, 2007
yao ming are you virgin?
from Yoshida - Charlotte, NC
Yao not kiss and tell. But come on, player, you know Yao not virgin! Ok, so maybe Yao tell Yoshida. But not kiss Yoshida. Yao still have some standards.
Yao not kiss and tell. But come on, player, you know Yao not virgin! Ok, so maybe Yao tell Yoshida. But not kiss Yoshida. Yao still have some standards.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
How was it kicking ass on game 1?
from icecold from NYC, NY
Yao not lie. It feel good. But Yao know work has just begun. Remember my movie, The Year of the Yao? That movie made a couple years too early, because THIS is the year of the Yao. Rockets in Finals. Take it to bank!
Yao not lie. It feel good. But Yao know work has just begun. Remember my movie, The Year of the Yao? That movie made a couple years too early, because THIS is the year of the Yao. Rockets in Finals. Take it to bank!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
What are your predictions for your first round playoff series with the Jazz?
from Timmy - Boise, ID
This very timely question, Timmy. Yao no like boast, but Rockets will crush Jazz. Yao and Shane Battier have plan to give all Jazz starters wedgies before game. Then Jazz not be able to run fast. While they walk around in pain, Yao throw down on Jazz. By time wedgie pain go away, Rockets be up by 50. Even scrub players will play, and crowd will say, who this is? And Yao will listen. Because even Yao not know their names.
After such demoralize victory, Jazz too sad to compete hard. Rockets sweep!
This very timely question, Timmy. Yao no like boast, but Rockets will crush Jazz. Yao and Shane Battier have plan to give all Jazz starters wedgies before game. Then Jazz not be able to run fast. While they walk around in pain, Yao throw down on Jazz. By time wedgie pain go away, Rockets be up by 50. Even scrub players will play, and crowd will say, who this is? And Yao will listen. Because even Yao not know their names.
After such demoralize victory, Jazz too sad to compete hard. Rockets sweep!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Yao, u finally going 2 marry ur longtime GF this summer or next fall. Why take so long to marry Ye Li?
from Ping Ni - Philly, PA
Mom, Yao know this you. Stop pressure Yao! Yao still young and too hip to settle down. Let Yao breathe!
Mom, Yao know this you. Stop pressure Yao! Yao still young and too hip to settle down. Let Yao breathe!
My twentieth high school reunion is coming up. I was a big loser in high school, and I just want to impress my old class mates. Will you be my date?
from Jenny T - Los Angeles, CA
Jenny, this make Yao blush. Yao very happy in relationship, so no can take you to reunion. Unless Jenny send Yao picture. And Jenny turn out to be very hot. Then maybe Yao figure something out. Oh wait, Jenny say 20th reunion? Wow. Um... yeah. Yao busy.
Jenny, this make Yao blush. Yao very happy in relationship, so no can take you to reunion. Unless Jenny send Yao picture. And Jenny turn out to be very hot. Then maybe Yao figure something out. Oh wait, Jenny say 20th reunion? Wow. Um... yeah. Yao busy.
How do you like playing with Tracy McGrady? He's one hell of a player.
from T. McG. - Houston, TX
After what T-Mac do last week, how dare he submit such silly question to try to win Yao friendship back. Yao still so mad.
After what T-Mac do last week, how dare he submit such silly question to try to win Yao friendship back. Yao still so mad.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Can we settle this? I will let you wedgie me back if you stop hating me.
from Shane Battier - Houston, TX
Ok, Shane. If let Yao wedgie Shane underwear, we be friends again. Seem fair. Hope Shane penis not ache for days after like Yao penis.
Ok, Shane. If let Yao wedgie Shane underwear, we be friends again. Seem fair. Hope Shane penis not ache for days after like Yao penis.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Why is it that every time I read something about you I get an orgasm?
from Pryuen - Hong Kong, China
Yao think Pryuen just a tease. But if what Pryuen say true, Yao about to make your day. Yao write about himself for Pryuen to "enjoy" lots and lots:
Ok, Yao stop now. Not want you to explode because have too much pleasure.
Yao think Pryuen just a tease. But if what Pryuen say true, Yao about to make your day. Yao write about himself for Pryuen to "enjoy" lots and lots:
- Yao like puppies
- Yao once win spelling bee contest as kid
- Yao love Cherry Coke
- Yao make mittens out of yarn
- Yao no like spiders
- Yao can drop it like hot on dance floor
Ok, Yao stop now. Not want you to explode because have too much pleasure.
Yao, can I work for you? I will cook for you, drive for you, play computer games with you, clean up for you, even wash your dirty underwear for you.
from Raymond Yuen - Hong Kong, China
Very tempting, Raymond. Yao already have a Turtle that do all things you mention. If not watch Entourage, Raymond not know what Yao talking about. But Yao like to think of himself as tall asian Vinnie Chase. I guess that make T-Mac my Eric and Shane Battier my Johnny Drama. Yao so cool.
Very tempting, Raymond. Yao already have a Turtle that do all things you mention. If not watch Entourage, Raymond not know what Yao talking about. But Yao like to think of himself as tall asian Vinnie Chase. I guess that make T-Mac my Eric and Shane Battier my Johnny Drama. Yao so cool.
Who's your best friend and which rapper do you like beside Jay-Z?
from Anthony - Montreal, Canada
Previously, Yao mention that T-Mac is Yao favorite. Well, T-Mac used to be Yao favorite. Until T-Mac cheat at Cranium last week. Yao mold owl out of clay, so obvious. But T-Mac want girlfriend team to win so not say correct answer. T-Mac say, "I not know, Yao, is that car? Or maybe hat?" Damn you T-Mac! It an owl! AN OWL! You know it, why not say right answer? Make Yao so mad.
So now, Yao looking for new best friend. Any volunteer? Oh, and Yao like Tupac in addition to Jay-Z. Yao even have "Thug Life" tattoo across stomach.
Previously, Yao mention that T-Mac is Yao favorite. Well, T-Mac used to be Yao favorite. Until T-Mac cheat at Cranium last week. Yao mold owl out of clay, so obvious. But T-Mac want girlfriend team to win so not say correct answer. T-Mac say, "I not know, Yao, is that car? Or maybe hat?" Damn you T-Mac! It an owl! AN OWL! You know it, why not say right answer? Make Yao so mad.
So now, Yao looking for new best friend. Any volunteer? Oh, and Yao like Tupac in addition to Jay-Z. Yao even have "Thug Life" tattoo across stomach.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
How are u gonna defend against MJ (Michael Jackson) if he ever came at u?
from Icecold - NYC, NY
Yao not little boy, so Yao no have worry of that MJ. If other MJ came at Yao though, Yao crush like flea. "No bring that weak stuff in Yao house," Yao will scream! Of course, Yao refer to Mah Jong. Yao own that game.
Yao not little boy, so Yao no have worry of that MJ. If other MJ came at Yao though, Yao crush like flea. "No bring that weak stuff in Yao house," Yao will scream! Of course, Yao refer to Mah Jong. Yao own that game.
wats ur adress
from LUDGE RICHIE - Detriot, MI
Yao not speak English very long, but even Yao know how spell words like "what," "is," "your," "address," and "Detroit." Yao think this... Ludge Richie is moron.
Yao not speak English very long, but even Yao know how spell words like "what," "is," "your," "address," and "Detroit." Yao think this... Ludge Richie is moron.
If Yi Jianlian is assigned to defend you in the next basketball season, what moves are you going to put on him?
from RoxRedGlare - H-Town, TX
Yao play against Yi a couple time in past. He not able hang with Yao Doggy Dog (this what T-Mac call Yao in practice yesterday... Yao like).
If Yi try guard Yao next year, he in for rough time. Yao have own version of Hakeem Olajuwon's "Dream Shake." Yao call it the "Tasty Green Tea with Boba." Trust Yao, Yi stand no chance when Yao fake one way, spin like boba pearl, and throw down with much anger. So tasty for Yao. So bitter for Yi.
Yao play against Yi a couple time in past. He not able hang with Yao Doggy Dog (this what T-Mac call Yao in practice yesterday... Yao like).
If Yi try guard Yao next year, he in for rough time. Yao have own version of Hakeem Olajuwon's "Dream Shake." Yao call it the "Tasty Green Tea with Boba." Trust Yao, Yi stand no chance when Yao fake one way, spin like boba pearl, and throw down with much anger. So tasty for Yao. So bitter for Yi.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Do you think wedgies or swirlies are worse?
from Bobby - Pacific Grove, CA
Hello, Bobby. Yao not familiar with wedgies or swirlies, so had to ask Shane Battier to show Yao. Now that Yao experience both, Yao say wedgie most uncomfortable. Not kind to Yao penis when Yao underwear pulled up.
And Shane not stop when Yao yell. And Shane keep pull until underwear rip. Then Shane hand ripped underwear to Yao and laugh as Yao cry. Yao hate Shane.
Hello, Bobby. Yao not familiar with wedgies or swirlies, so had to ask Shane Battier to show Yao. Now that Yao experience both, Yao say wedgie most uncomfortable. Not kind to Yao penis when Yao underwear pulled up.
And Shane not stop when Yao yell. And Shane keep pull until underwear rip. Then Shane hand ripped underwear to Yao and laugh as Yao cry. Yao hate Shane.
Who would win in an eating contest between you and Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi?
from John S. - Los Angeles, CA
Yao eat lots of food, but even Yao scared of Kobayashi. Kobayashi like hot dog vaccuum. Not human. Yao, on other hand, human. And Yao no love hot dogs.
This being said, if chicken foot eating contest announced, Yao give everyone run for money. Yes, this right Kobayashi. Yao call you out. May best claw win.
Yao eat lots of food, but even Yao scared of Kobayashi. Kobayashi like hot dog vaccuum. Not human. Yao, on other hand, human. And Yao no love hot dogs.
This being said, if chicken foot eating contest announced, Yao give everyone run for money. Yes, this right Kobayashi. Yao call you out. May best claw win.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
HOW R U GONNA GET BLOCKED BY NATE ROBINSON? HE IS THE SHORTEST PERSON EVER!
from SERGIO from Houston, TX
Yao glad U asked question, Sergio. Yao feel bad 4 Nate Robinson because Yao know self-esteem 4 Nate very small, like Nate himself. Yao pretend get block by Nate to make Nate feel better. Yao very thoughtful like that.
U not know what it's like 2 B thoughtful though, Sergio. Stop writing in ALL CAPS. Yao not like.
Yao glad U asked question, Sergio. Yao feel bad 4 Nate Robinson because Yao know self-esteem 4 Nate very small, like Nate himself. Yao pretend get block by Nate to make Nate feel better. Yao very thoughtful like that.
U not know what it's like 2 B thoughtful though, Sergio. Stop writing in ALL CAPS. Yao not like.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
CAN I GET MY JAY-Z CD BACK YAO?
from Steve Francis - New York, NY
Haha, you funny Steve Francis. You my dog. And no. Yao keep Jay-Z. Jigga what? Jigga who?
Haha, you funny Steve Francis. You my dog. And no. Yao keep Jay-Z. Jigga what? Jigga who?
Do you think you can beat me one on one?
from Wang ZhiZhi - Bayi, China
Let being honest, Wang. Yao own Wang many time on mean streets of Shanghai. Once Yao make Wang cry. It was not hard. It was when Yao brought Million Dollar Baby DVD to Wang house after game.
So touching when Clint take care of paralyze girl. So touching.
Let being honest, Wang. Yao own Wang many time on mean streets of Shanghai. Once Yao make Wang cry. It was not hard. It was when Yao brought Million Dollar Baby DVD to Wang house after game.
So touching when Clint take care of paralyze girl. So touching.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Yao darling, how big is your crocadile?
from Triana Daslin - Boston, MA
Triana, baby. Yao crocodile is 9 feet long.
However, Yao penis only 5 inches long. But thick. Very thick. Like tree trunk.
Triana, baby. Yao crocodile is 9 feet long.
However, Yao penis only 5 inches long. But thick. Very thick. Like tree trunk.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Who's Better you or Shaq?
from Luc Nguyen - Arlington, TX
Shaq ain't got nothing on Yao, Luc. Of course, Yao refer to fine art of MineSweeper. Yao tell Shaq, no bring weak shit in house when Shaq try click mouse on box that had mine. Whatever dog, Shaq not see 4's and 3's next to blank box? So obvious, player!
Shaq ain't got nothing on Yao, Luc. Of course, Yao refer to fine art of MineSweeper. Yao tell Shaq, no bring weak shit in house when Shaq try click mouse on box that had mine. Whatever dog, Shaq not see 4's and 3's next to blank box? So obvious, player!
Monday, March 12, 2007
Can you give me a shoutout on your next game against Miami?
from Cam - Victoria, BC
Yes, Yao shout you out in next game. Cam you dig it? Yao say CAMMMMMMMM YOUUUUUUUU DIGGGGGGG ITTTTTTTTTT?
Yes, Yao shout you out in next game. Cam you dig it? Yao say CAMMMMMMMM YOUUUUUUUU DIGGGGGGG ITTTTTTTTTT?
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Yao, do you like to be tall?
from Yoshida - Charlotte NC
Yes, Yao like be tall. Otherwise Yao be tiny. Like Yoshida. And then girls no like Yao, and they all tease. Like they tease Yoshida. It would make Yao sad to be so lonely. Fortunately, Yao not Yoshida. Yao laugh as Yoshida cry.
Yes, Yao like be tall. Otherwise Yao be tiny. Like Yoshida. And then girls no like Yao, and they all tease. Like they tease Yoshida. It would make Yao sad to be so lonely. Fortunately, Yao not Yoshida. Yao laugh as Yoshida cry.
Monday, February 19, 2007
What is your name?
from Jake - Houston, Texas
Jake, Yao hopes you are either 4 year old, or a retard man like Corky from Life Goes On. One or other.
Jake, Yao hopes you are either 4 year old, or a retard man like Corky from Life Goes On. One or other.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Yao, which movie do you like the best?
from Toby Zheng - Elmhurst, NY
Yao thinking long and hard on this question. So many good movies Yao can choose. After much thought, Yao say best movie must be Eurotrip.
Don't tell Scotty! Scotty doesn't know! So funny. Because Scotty *does* know. He really does.
Yao thinking long and hard on this question. So many good movies Yao can choose. After much thought, Yao say best movie must be Eurotrip.
Don't tell Scotty! Scotty doesn't know! So funny. Because Scotty *does* know. He really does.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Do you think you the the best center in NBA?
from Justin - Troy, OH
Justin, Yao definitely best center in NBA. At sudoku. Yao can do number puzzles like no other big man since Robert Parish.
Justin, Yao definitely best center in NBA. At sudoku. Yao can do number puzzles like no other big man since Robert Parish.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Why do asians have such small weiners?
from Cesar - Houston, Texas
Cesar, this just myth. Yao penis, for instance not small. However, Yao do know that most people name Cesar are very homosexual. Not that Yao think anything wrong with that.
Cesar, this just myth. Yao penis, for instance not small. However, Yao do know that most people name Cesar are very homosexual. Not that Yao think anything wrong with that.
Yao, since u listen to jay-z, do you have your own rap lines?
from Michael - Xu, China
Yes Michael. Yao dropping lines all the time in locker room. Yao wrote this rap about Shane Battier:
Shanghai represent... peace.
Yes Michael. Yao dropping lines all the time in locker room. Yao wrote this rap about Shane Battier:
Shane, Shane your name Yao said
Your head shaped like an alien head
You play good D, and you shoot 3
Before each game, Shane like to pee
You better player than other weird head bums
Like Sam Cassell or Sheldon Williams
So here's a rhyme for one bad dude
Too bad Shane go to fucking Duke
Shanghai represent... peace.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Does your girlfriend, Ye Li, live with you? Do you get your groove on with her?
from RoxRedGlare - H-Town, TX
Yao no live with girlfriend. Yao think this goes against Yao conservative upbringing. Living together before marriage not right. Yao firmly believe this. Yao also firmly believe in booty calls. Tap ass then kick bitch out, that how Yao was raised.
Yao no live with girlfriend. Yao think this goes against Yao conservative upbringing. Living together before marriage not right. Yao firmly believe this. Yao also firmly believe in booty calls. Tap ass then kick bitch out, that how Yao was raised.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
I was wondering what does it feel like to dunk on shaq? And who is your favorite basketball player?
from Akaashi - Toronto, Canada
Dunk on Shaq feel like hitting transvestite hooker in mouth. Very good feeling. And Yao favorite player is T-Mac. Because if Yao not say this, T-Mac get mad. And if T-Mac mad, T-Mac no let Yao play Cranium with T-Mac friends. Then Yao cry. Because Yao good at Cranium.
Dunk on Shaq feel like hitting transvestite hooker in mouth. Very good feeling. And Yao favorite player is T-Mac. Because if Yao not say this, T-Mac get mad. And if T-Mac mad, T-Mac no let Yao play Cranium with T-Mac friends. Then Yao cry. Because Yao good at Cranium.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Condom or no condom?
from Joey - Springville, IN
Got to be safe when tap ass, Joey. Wear that Jimmy hat, as elders say back in China.
Got to be safe when tap ass, Joey. Wear that Jimmy hat, as elders say back in China.
Yao, what do you do in your free time?
from Justin - Tokyo, Japan
Justin, Yao very busy man. Not have lots of free time. But when Yao have minute or two for spare, Yao like pop locking. Yao do a mean robot.
Justin, Yao very busy man. Not have lots of free time. But when Yao have minute or two for spare, Yao like pop locking. Yao do a mean robot.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Hey Yao, how your broken leg doing?, and why is your first name on the back of your jersey instead of your last?
from Fred T. - Houston, TX
Leg is healed now, Fred. Yao thank you for asking. As for name on jersey, Yao actually family name, like Smith or Johnson for American. That's why this name on back of Yao jersey. Hope this answer your question. Please say hi to your dad, Mr. T. Yao love him on A-Team. Yao pity the fool!
Leg is healed now, Fred. Yao thank you for asking. As for name on jersey, Yao actually family name, like Smith or Johnson for American. That's why this name on back of Yao jersey. Hope this answer your question. Please say hi to your dad, Mr. T. Yao love him on A-Team. Yao pity the fool!
Why is yaominute.com the gayest website ever?
from Tracy - Houston, TX
T-Mac, Yao know this you. T-Mac no pretend you don't love this website. Yao knows you read it all the time, and even print it out to put under pillow. Now Yao wonder what you dream about when you do this? Um, T-Mac, Yao no swing that way.
T-Mac, Yao know this you. T-Mac no pretend you don't love this website. Yao knows you read it all the time, and even print it out to put under pillow. Now Yao wonder what you dream about when you do this? Um, T-Mac, Yao no swing that way.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
What do you want to do after basketball?
from A.J. - Oakland, CA
Good question, A.J. Yao not think so much about life after basketball. Hmmm... Yao always want to make pottery. Yao like playing with clay as child. Maybe after retire, Yao can shape vase on potter wheel. But Yao also scared that ghost come and sit down with Yao and try make out with Yao while Yao try to work with clay. Dirty ghost! Yao no like.
Good question, A.J. Yao not think so much about life after basketball. Hmmm... Yao always want to make pottery. Yao like playing with clay as child. Maybe after retire, Yao can shape vase on potter wheel. But Yao also scared that ghost come and sit down with Yao and try make out with Yao while Yao try to work with clay. Dirty ghost! Yao no like.
Friday, January 5, 2007
When are you going to come back?
from Dora Akcay - Istanbul, Turkey
Are you asking when Yao come back to Turkey? Because Yao not sure he ever been there. But Yao have turkey for first time last Thanksgiving, and Yao like. But make Yao so sleepy. Just thinking about it make Yao want to take nap. Yao no... zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Are you asking when Yao come back to Turkey? Because Yao not sure he ever been there. But Yao have turkey for first time last Thanksgiving, and Yao like. But make Yao so sleepy. Just thinking about it make Yao want to take nap. Yao no... zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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