What are your predictions for your first round playoff series with the Jazz?

from Timmy - Boise, ID

This very timely question, Timmy. Yao no like boast, but Rockets will crush Jazz. Yao and Shane Battier have plan to give all Jazz starters wedgies before game. Then Jazz not be able to run fast. While they walk around in pain, Yao throw down on Jazz. By time wedgie pain go away, Rockets be up by 50. Even scrub players will play, and crowd will say, who this is? And Yao will listen. Because even Yao not know their names.

After such demoralize victory, Jazz too sad to compete hard. Rockets sweep!

Can we settle this? I will let you wedgie me back if you stop hating me.

from Shane Battier - Houston, TX

Ok, Shane. If let Yao wedgie Shane underwear, we be friends again. Seem fair. Hope Shane penis not ache for days after like Yao penis.

Do you think wedgies or swirlies are worse?

from Bobby - Pacific Grove, CA

Hello, Bobby. Yao not familiar with wedgies or swirlies, so had to ask Shane Battier to show Yao. Now that Yao experience both, Yao say wedgie most uncomfortable. Not kind to Yao penis when Yao underwear pulled up.

And Shane not stop when Yao yell. And Shane keep pull until underwear rip. Then Shane hand ripped underwear to Yao and laugh as Yao cry. Yao hate Shane.