Thursday, February 7, 2008
Yao Like It When Other People Write About Me
Mad Props to my new friend. He write bad ass story about Yao is "Wolf in nice guy's clothing". Read here.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Back in action
Hello... This Yao, It very busy now but I want let you know that me back in action. Feel free to write Yao question.
By the way. If you wondering. Yao want Giants to win, because me Giant too.
By the way. If you wondering. Yao want Giants to win, because me Giant too.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Yao, I was so looking forward to seeing you in Austin at the Rockets training camp.
Why would you stay in Shanghai to represent a bunch of retards at the Special Olympics and not be with the Rockets on time? You disappoint me.
John - Creator of Yao Ming Mania
Hi John. Yao not appreciate you refer to Special Olympic athletes as "retards." This wrong. Yao like to say "from wrong side of rice paddy" or "bamboo skulls" or even "brains filled with semen of seven pandas," because Yao politically correct like this. Besides, Yao not need to go Rockets training camp. Give more time Steve Francis play post.
John - Creator of Yao Ming Mania
Hi John. Yao not appreciate you refer to Special Olympic athletes as "retards." This wrong. Yao like to say "from wrong side of rice paddy" or "bamboo skulls" or even "brains filled with semen of seven pandas," because Yao politically correct like this. Besides, Yao not need to go Rockets training camp. Give more time Steve Francis play post.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Um... you lost, Yao. Why?
Todd - Provo, UT
Todd, maybe Yao little hasty when say Rockets win easy in last post. Yao even typed smiley face and say Yao laugh at Jazz. Yao not laugh at all now. Yao cry.
Yao not cry this hard since play Monopoly with Luther Head, and Luther take dog piece and leave Yao with car. Yao *always* dog when play Monopoly. But Luther not give Yao dog. He just taunt Yao and bark every time Luther pass Go. That was saddest day in Yao life until yesterday.
But Yao know next year Rockets get revenge, just like Yao get revenge on Luther in Monopoly. Let just say Luther not pick dog anymore now that he know dog may or may not been in Dikembe Mutumbo butt at some point. Nxt year we do same to to Jazz. You be careful Carlos Boozer.
Todd, maybe Yao little hasty when say Rockets win easy in last post. Yao even typed smiley face and say Yao laugh at Jazz. Yao not laugh at all now. Yao cry.
Yao not cry this hard since play Monopoly with Luther Head, and Luther take dog piece and leave Yao with car. Yao *always* dog when play Monopoly. But Luther not give Yao dog. He just taunt Yao and bark every time Luther pass Go. That was saddest day in Yao life until yesterday.
But Yao know next year Rockets get revenge, just like Yao get revenge on Luther in Monopoly. Let just say Luther not pick dog anymore now that he know dog may or may not been in Dikembe Mutumbo butt at some point. Nxt year we do same to to Jazz. You be careful Carlos Boozer.
Monday, April 30, 2007
What do you plan to do for the summer since you will exit the playoffs very soon?
from Mehmet - Okur
Ha. This make Yao laugh, Mr. Mehmet from land of Okur. Yao not supposed to mention, but let just say certain commisioner of certain league ask Rockets to take easy on Jazz to keep people watching games.
But now it time. T-Mac and Yao cannot make Jazz feel good anymore. See you in Round 2, Mehmet! Oh wait, Yao forgot, Mehmet not be there to enjoy next round. Yao laugh again. Even type smiley face. :) So funny.
Ha. This make Yao laugh, Mr. Mehmet from land of Okur. Yao not supposed to mention, but let just say certain commisioner of certain league ask Rockets to take easy on Jazz to keep people watching games.
But now it time. T-Mac and Yao cannot make Jazz feel good anymore. See you in Round 2, Mehmet! Oh wait, Yao forgot, Mehmet not be there to enjoy next round. Yao laugh again. Even type smiley face. :) So funny.
Monday, April 23, 2007
yao ming are you virgin?
from Yoshida - Charlotte, NC
Yao not kiss and tell. But come on, player, you know Yao not virgin! Ok, so maybe Yao tell Yoshida. But not kiss Yoshida. Yao still have some standards.
Yao not kiss and tell. But come on, player, you know Yao not virgin! Ok, so maybe Yao tell Yoshida. But not kiss Yoshida. Yao still have some standards.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
How was it kicking ass on game 1?
from icecold from NYC, NY
Yao not lie. It feel good. But Yao know work has just begun. Remember my movie, The Year of the Yao? That movie made a couple years too early, because THIS is the year of the Yao. Rockets in Finals. Take it to bank!
Yao not lie. It feel good. But Yao know work has just begun. Remember my movie, The Year of the Yao? That movie made a couple years too early, because THIS is the year of the Yao. Rockets in Finals. Take it to bank!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
What are your predictions for your first round playoff series with the Jazz?
from Timmy - Boise, ID
This very timely question, Timmy. Yao no like boast, but Rockets will crush Jazz. Yao and Shane Battier have plan to give all Jazz starters wedgies before game. Then Jazz not be able to run fast. While they walk around in pain, Yao throw down on Jazz. By time wedgie pain go away, Rockets be up by 50. Even scrub players will play, and crowd will say, who this is? And Yao will listen. Because even Yao not know their names.
After such demoralize victory, Jazz too sad to compete hard. Rockets sweep!
This very timely question, Timmy. Yao no like boast, but Rockets will crush Jazz. Yao and Shane Battier have plan to give all Jazz starters wedgies before game. Then Jazz not be able to run fast. While they walk around in pain, Yao throw down on Jazz. By time wedgie pain go away, Rockets be up by 50. Even scrub players will play, and crowd will say, who this is? And Yao will listen. Because even Yao not know their names.
After such demoralize victory, Jazz too sad to compete hard. Rockets sweep!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Yao, u finally going 2 marry ur longtime GF this summer or next fall. Why take so long to marry Ye Li?
from Ping Ni - Philly, PA
Mom, Yao know this you. Stop pressure Yao! Yao still young and too hip to settle down. Let Yao breathe!
Mom, Yao know this you. Stop pressure Yao! Yao still young and too hip to settle down. Let Yao breathe!
My twentieth high school reunion is coming up. I was a big loser in high school, and I just want to impress my old class mates. Will you be my date?
from Jenny T - Los Angeles, CA
Jenny, this make Yao blush. Yao very happy in relationship, so no can take you to reunion. Unless Jenny send Yao picture. And Jenny turn out to be very hot. Then maybe Yao figure something out. Oh wait, Jenny say 20th reunion? Wow. Um... yeah. Yao busy.
Jenny, this make Yao blush. Yao very happy in relationship, so no can take you to reunion. Unless Jenny send Yao picture. And Jenny turn out to be very hot. Then maybe Yao figure something out. Oh wait, Jenny say 20th reunion? Wow. Um... yeah. Yao busy.
How do you like playing with Tracy McGrady? He's one hell of a player.
from T. McG. - Houston, TX
After what T-Mac do last week, how dare he submit such silly question to try to win Yao friendship back. Yao still so mad.
After what T-Mac do last week, how dare he submit such silly question to try to win Yao friendship back. Yao still so mad.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Can we settle this? I will let you wedgie me back if you stop hating me.
from Shane Battier - Houston, TX
Ok, Shane. If let Yao wedgie Shane underwear, we be friends again. Seem fair. Hope Shane penis not ache for days after like Yao penis.
Ok, Shane. If let Yao wedgie Shane underwear, we be friends again. Seem fair. Hope Shane penis not ache for days after like Yao penis.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Why is it that every time I read something about you I get an orgasm?
from Pryuen - Hong Kong, China
Yao think Pryuen just a tease. But if what Pryuen say true, Yao about to make your day. Yao write about himself for Pryuen to "enjoy" lots and lots:
Ok, Yao stop now. Not want you to explode because have too much pleasure.
Yao think Pryuen just a tease. But if what Pryuen say true, Yao about to make your day. Yao write about himself for Pryuen to "enjoy" lots and lots:
- Yao like puppies
- Yao once win spelling bee contest as kid
- Yao love Cherry Coke
- Yao make mittens out of yarn
- Yao no like spiders
- Yao can drop it like hot on dance floor
Ok, Yao stop now. Not want you to explode because have too much pleasure.
Yao, can I work for you? I will cook for you, drive for you, play computer games with you, clean up for you, even wash your dirty underwear for you.
from Raymond Yuen - Hong Kong, China
Very tempting, Raymond. Yao already have a Turtle that do all things you mention. If not watch Entourage, Raymond not know what Yao talking about. But Yao like to think of himself as tall asian Vinnie Chase. I guess that make T-Mac my Eric and Shane Battier my Johnny Drama. Yao so cool.
Very tempting, Raymond. Yao already have a Turtle that do all things you mention. If not watch Entourage, Raymond not know what Yao talking about. But Yao like to think of himself as tall asian Vinnie Chase. I guess that make T-Mac my Eric and Shane Battier my Johnny Drama. Yao so cool.
Who's your best friend and which rapper do you like beside Jay-Z?
from Anthony - Montreal, Canada
Previously, Yao mention that T-Mac is Yao favorite. Well, T-Mac used to be Yao favorite. Until T-Mac cheat at Cranium last week. Yao mold owl out of clay, so obvious. But T-Mac want girlfriend team to win so not say correct answer. T-Mac say, "I not know, Yao, is that car? Or maybe hat?" Damn you T-Mac! It an owl! AN OWL! You know it, why not say right answer? Make Yao so mad.
So now, Yao looking for new best friend. Any volunteer? Oh, and Yao like Tupac in addition to Jay-Z. Yao even have "Thug Life" tattoo across stomach.
Previously, Yao mention that T-Mac is Yao favorite. Well, T-Mac used to be Yao favorite. Until T-Mac cheat at Cranium last week. Yao mold owl out of clay, so obvious. But T-Mac want girlfriend team to win so not say correct answer. T-Mac say, "I not know, Yao, is that car? Or maybe hat?" Damn you T-Mac! It an owl! AN OWL! You know it, why not say right answer? Make Yao so mad.
So now, Yao looking for new best friend. Any volunteer? Oh, and Yao like Tupac in addition to Jay-Z. Yao even have "Thug Life" tattoo across stomach.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
How are u gonna defend against MJ (Michael Jackson) if he ever came at u?
from Icecold - NYC, NY
Yao not little boy, so Yao no have worry of that MJ. If other MJ came at Yao though, Yao crush like flea. "No bring that weak stuff in Yao house," Yao will scream! Of course, Yao refer to Mah Jong. Yao own that game.
Yao not little boy, so Yao no have worry of that MJ. If other MJ came at Yao though, Yao crush like flea. "No bring that weak stuff in Yao house," Yao will scream! Of course, Yao refer to Mah Jong. Yao own that game.
wats ur adress
from LUDGE RICHIE - Detriot, MI
Yao not speak English very long, but even Yao know how spell words like "what," "is," "your," "address," and "Detroit." Yao think this... Ludge Richie is moron.
Yao not speak English very long, but even Yao know how spell words like "what," "is," "your," "address," and "Detroit." Yao think this... Ludge Richie is moron.
If Yi Jianlian is assigned to defend you in the next basketball season, what moves are you going to put on him?
from RoxRedGlare - H-Town, TX
Yao play against Yi a couple time in past. He not able hang with Yao Doggy Dog (this what T-Mac call Yao in practice yesterday... Yao like).
If Yi try guard Yao next year, he in for rough time. Yao have own version of Hakeem Olajuwon's "Dream Shake." Yao call it the "Tasty Green Tea with Boba." Trust Yao, Yi stand no chance when Yao fake one way, spin like boba pearl, and throw down with much anger. So tasty for Yao. So bitter for Yi.
Yao play against Yi a couple time in past. He not able hang with Yao Doggy Dog (this what T-Mac call Yao in practice yesterday... Yao like).
If Yi try guard Yao next year, he in for rough time. Yao have own version of Hakeem Olajuwon's "Dream Shake." Yao call it the "Tasty Green Tea with Boba." Trust Yao, Yi stand no chance when Yao fake one way, spin like boba pearl, and throw down with much anger. So tasty for Yao. So bitter for Yi.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Do you think wedgies or swirlies are worse?
from Bobby - Pacific Grove, CA
Hello, Bobby. Yao not familiar with wedgies or swirlies, so had to ask Shane Battier to show Yao. Now that Yao experience both, Yao say wedgie most uncomfortable. Not kind to Yao penis when Yao underwear pulled up.
And Shane not stop when Yao yell. And Shane keep pull until underwear rip. Then Shane hand ripped underwear to Yao and laugh as Yao cry. Yao hate Shane.
Hello, Bobby. Yao not familiar with wedgies or swirlies, so had to ask Shane Battier to show Yao. Now that Yao experience both, Yao say wedgie most uncomfortable. Not kind to Yao penis when Yao underwear pulled up.
And Shane not stop when Yao yell. And Shane keep pull until underwear rip. Then Shane hand ripped underwear to Yao and laugh as Yao cry. Yao hate Shane.
Who would win in an eating contest between you and Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi?
from John S. - Los Angeles, CA
Yao eat lots of food, but even Yao scared of Kobayashi. Kobayashi like hot dog vaccuum. Not human. Yao, on other hand, human. And Yao no love hot dogs.
This being said, if chicken foot eating contest announced, Yao give everyone run for money. Yes, this right Kobayashi. Yao call you out. May best claw win.
Yao eat lots of food, but even Yao scared of Kobayashi. Kobayashi like hot dog vaccuum. Not human. Yao, on other hand, human. And Yao no love hot dogs.
This being said, if chicken foot eating contest announced, Yao give everyone run for money. Yes, this right Kobayashi. Yao call you out. May best claw win.
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